“Frustration in a Cup: Why I’ll Never Buy a Small DD Coffee Again”
There’s an age old rivalry between coffee vs. tea drinkers. It’s like you’re either a hardcore coffee drinker who wakes up to drink a good cup o’ joe (not drink coffee to wake up), or you’re a devoted tea drinker who’s self-reflective and ever-so pensive. And hot cocoa drinkers are just eccentric peons… It’s a polarized topic for certain. Although I consider myself to be somewhat of a tea connoisseur, I’d have to lean toward the coffee camp on this one. There are many days when I need this, literally, to survive, and people around me will notice if I don’t have my morning cup o’ joe…
Occasionally when I have the time or the disposable income, I enjoy getting a Dunkin’ Donuts coffee. French vanilla, and yes please on the cream and sugar. Every so often though, I opt buying a small because I saves money, I feel less wasteful, and enough time has passed that I forget how awful the previous experience was. I realize that no matter how many times I try to like a small, it’s just frustration in a cup.
Normally, I like getting a medium sized DD coffee even if I have a bad habit of only drinking 3/4 of it and throwing the rest out. It subconsciously makes me feel more productive and big-league, or as Trump might say, “bigly,” as a real semi-functional adult. Getting a small sized coffee shameful really, and other adults around me are probably thinking the exact same thing.
However, the paramount reason for not buying a size small is the ridiculous mess and it creates. The damn coffees are filled to the brim, so if I’m driving trying to avoid potholes and bumps on VT roads, which is literally impossible, the coffee just spills over into my already nasty cupholders.
And to add to the chaos, while I’m trying to “drive and sip,” looking most forward to the delicious French vanilla goodness, 99% of the time my mouth and hands are scalded, and I end up spilling it. I call these “What the Fuck” moments. (Those, more often than not, happen while I’m driving, which contribute to my quiet road rage). Once that first sip burns my entire throat and tongue, like gulping molten hot lava, my entire day is totally ruined, and at that moment I normally fight the visceral urge to throat punch the closest person I see–right square in the jugular.
The small coffee that DD sells is an unspeakable way of upselling. What an effective marketing tool. After a few absolutely negative experiences with small coffees, customers will most certainly upgrade to a medium to save themselves the frustration on their morning commute, the scalding 2nd degree burns on their bodies, as well as that urge to punch a stranger in the neck. So in the end, is it worth trying to save a few cents by buying a small? I submit that it is not and will stick to my beloved medium, unless I’m looking for a bad time.